I’ve never been one of those girls that dreamed of marriage. While I LOVE weddings and all things bridal party (please invite me), it’s never been something I strongly desired, until after I started attending church. Seeing those married men and women who seemed like they loved and cherished each other made me think is that “thing” they have possible for me.
So like any good student, I started studying relationships and marriage. What did it mean? All I heard couples talk about was the difficulty of marriage. It’s hard. Oh, goodness, it’s hard. Similar to parenting, not everyone was enjoying the experience.
Does having a great marriage require tons of sacrifice? Did I have to change as a person completely? What would I have to give up? TV panels on marriage were my first stop. Then I started reading blogs. My friends were my next stop. I started devouring all things on relationships.
My eyes were opened wide. Wow. There was so much to learn. The one good piece of advice I learned was that as a single person, I could begin to prepare myself for marriage. No relationship will ever be perfect, but I can be intentional in my preparation. As Maya Angelou famously says, “When you know better, you do better.” I definitely had to start letting some things go.
LETTING GO
Learning about the preparation for marriage taught me that great relationships do exist but like anything else takes a tremendous amount of effort. Similarly, achieving a goal you have in your heart is possible but will require work. However, before I could move forward with my goal, I had to let a lot go.
- Illusions When people think of marriage, women tend to dream of that Hallmark movie ending where everything comes together in a neat bow. Or if your desire is weight loss, you stay looking for that magic pill that dissolves all the fat away with one drink. If going back to school is your wish, you think every class will be amazing and the teachers’ all life-changing. The reality is when you want something great, there will be work and sacrifice. Emotional messiness is a part of growth. There are parts you will love and parts you will hate. Remove the illusion in your heart about your goal and open your eyes to reality.
- Mistakes from your past. I won’t lie, past mistakes around relationships and other couples’ mistakes have made me shy about marriage. Maybe your previous attempts and failures around your goal have kept you from trying again. Staying stuck in the mistakes you made and constantly replaying them in your head doesn’t create progress. Keep in mind; we don’t always remember the details. So is it possible that your failure wasn’t as bad? Could you be a different person today than you were before? Mistakes should help inform us, but should never debilitate our progress. Acknowledge your part and move forward.
- Comfort My daughter and I have a sweet life. We’ve lived together for years and are comfortable. Marriage would disrupt this “comfort.” My immediate thought to change is negative because, as humans, we enjoy comfort. But what if the disruption was for my good? The comfort zone feels good but brings stagnation. Creativity and growth are often bred out of constraints and being uncomfortable. Its where we do our best work. Let go of comfort.
- I’m not the same person I’ve grown up a lot over the years, and I’m not the same person. Haven’t you? Yet, at times, we assign solving today’s problems to the person we were a few years ago. Think about your goal in terms of who you are today. You are different. Altered solutions should be your expectations. Let go of the person you used to be.
Remember, the desire to achieve your goal or life plan has to be higher than any discomfort you are going to feel. When I look back at my best accomplishments, the pain sweat and tears were all worth it.
Homework:
What about you? What do you have to let go of to move forward? Healing from emotional wounds of the past? Shame and guilt brought on from past mistakes? The desire to be right? Pride?
Whatever baggage you have acquired over the years, I promise there is much you can let go. You can’t take on a new rung of the monkey bar if you keep holding on to the one you are on. Progress requires reflection, but we must also let go to move forward.
I challenge you this week to think of those old mindsets that no longer serve the person you are today. Let’s be intentional about not staying stuck!
